The Reality of Resilience: Toby McCosker on Rebuilding After Collapse

What Resilience Really Looks Like

We hear the word resilience all the time — in leadership books, on glossy Instagram quotes — but what does it truly look like when your whole life collapses overnight? When your name hits the headlines, your business falls apart, and the people you trusted disappear?

I know, because I lived it.

I’m Toby McCosker. For over 20 years, I’ve been in the thick of construction and leadership. I started on the tools — digging trenches, managing builds — and eventually ran multimillion-dollar projects and businesses. But none of that prepared me for what it felt like to fall.

When the Dust Settled

Collapse doesn’t come quietly. One day you’re running teams, the next you’re fielding calls from liquidators and creditors. The world doesn’t stop — it speeds up. Everyone wants answers, and no one asks how you’re holding up.

In the months following the downfall of my business, the silence from old allies was deafening. The headlines didn’t capture the whole story — and in that darkness, I uncovered something unexpected: perspective.

Resilience, I learned, isn’t about pretending everything’s fine. It’s about standing up again when every instinct tells you to disappear.

Rebuilding Isn’t a Buzzword

The real work started after everything fell apart.

I didn’t vanish. I faced it head-on. I called every creditor. I reviewed the damage, report by report. I accepted my part in it, and I learned who truly earned my loyalty. I didn’t let bitterness dictate what came next.

Instead of starting over from scratch, I built forward from experience. I created new systems, reset my values, and designed a business that aligned with what actually mattered: trust, clarity, and direction.

Redefining Strength

Strength isn’t about avoiding failure — it’s about what you do after. It’s making the tough calls when no one’s applauding. It’s walking into a room of people who doubted you and showing up anyway.

Real strength is staying accountable when you have every excuse not to.

What I’d Tell My Past Self

Would I do it all differently? I’d set firmer boundaries. I’d protect my name more fiercely. But I wouldn’t stop building.

What I built after the collapse was different — and stronger. Not just in structure, but in soul.

Final Takeaway

If you’re in a season of collapse, you don’t need to rise like a hero. You just need to rise — at your own pace, in your own way.

Rebuilding isn’t about bouncing back. It’s about building forward — wiser, clearer, and more unshakable than before.

More from Toby McCosker

Lessons from the Frontline: Leading Through Adversity
How pressure shaped leadership beyond the job site.

Reputation vs. Reality: What the Media Got Wrong
Why headlines don’t always tell the full story.

Tobias (Toby) McCosker is the founder of Built By Toby. After two decades in construction and business, he now shares raw lessons from the frontline.
Explore more at BuiltByToby.com.au