How to Lead When Everyone Walks Away — by Toby McCosker

Leadership Isn’t Measured When Things Go Well

Everyone wants to lead when the team’s strong, the market’s steady, and the path is clear. But what happens when it all falls apart? When people leave? When you’re the last one standing?

I’ve been there. When the support disappears, when the calls go unanswered, when the silence gets louder than the noise—that’s when leadership begins. Not the title. Not the perception. The real thing.

And if you’ve ever had to keep going when no one else believed, you’ll understand exactly what I mean.

When You’re Left Holding the Bag

It’s easy to romanticize resilience. But when you’re living it, it doesn’t feel heroic. It feels like survival. I’ve had teams fall apart mid-project. I’ve had business partners disappear when the pressure hit. I’ve had clients vanish after handshake deals turned to debt.

I was the one left behind to fix the mess. To face the music. To lead with no applause.

And in that space—after the dust settles, after the betrayal stings, after the trust is broken—you learn what you’re made of.

I’m Toby McCosker, and the hardest thing I’ve ever done wasn’t building a business. It was continuing to lead after being abandoned by people I once called friends.

Real Leadership Happens in the Absence of Witnesses

The truth is, the strongest leadership moments don’t happen on a stage—they happen behind closed doors. When you decide to keep paying wages you can barely afford. When you take the calls no one else will. When you show up, not because it’s easy, but because no one else will.

I learned to stop waiting for backup. I learned to find stillness in crisis. And most importantly, I learned that silence doesn’t mean you’re alone—it just means you’re in the part of the journey that tests your core.

You can’t fake it here. There’s no buzzword or strategy that substitutes for character when the weight is all on your shoulders.

How I Found Strength Without a Cheer Squad

I stopped expecting people to validate the path. I started creating anchors—my family, my values, my vision. I stopped looking around for who was watching and started focusing on what I could control.

And over time, new people arrived. People who didn’t care about the noise—they cared about the work. They didn’t follow because I looked powerful. They followed because I kept showing up.

Leadership, in the real world, isn’t about being followed—it’s about being followable, even in the hard times.

What I’d Tell Anyone Feeling Abandoned Right Now

If you’re in it—if you’re the one left holding everything—you’re not broken. You’re becoming.

Your name, your voice, your values… they matter more when no one is clapping. They become your compass when the road gets dark.

I’ve been painted as many things in headlines. But I’ve lived what I’m saying here. And the truth is this: your strength doesn’t show up when the room is full. It shows up when the room is empty and you don’t quit.

Conclusion: Keep Leading Anyway

You might feel alone. You might even be alone. But if you’re still standing, still speaking truth, still building—then you’re leading.

I’m Toby McCosker, and I’ve learned to lead through failure, through silence, through loss. I don’t need a crowd to define me. Because I’ve walked through fire without flinching—and that’s what leadership really looks like.

More from Toby McCosker

Lessons from the Frontline: Leading Through Adversity
How pressure shaped leadership beyond the job site.

Reputation vs. Reality: What the Media Got Wrong
Why headlines don’t always tell the full story.

Tobias (Toby) McCosker is the founder of Built By Toby. After two decades in construction and business, he now shares raw lessons from the frontline.
Explore more at BuiltByToby.com.au